guilt feelings

I guess whoever has read this post now expects the next post to have me talking about how I screamed incoherently at my stepson or something like that. I kind of feel awkward even calling him my stepson = technically is he?
Anyways, he was here yesterday with me and my kids, and all I could think about was the last blog and how very very guilty I feel for posting that. I look at him sometimes and I do feel so overwhelmed with sadness about who he is, and wondering what his future holds. My kids -
as much as I worry about them - have a brighter future , I think. And it is so not his fault, and sometimes he just looks so sad, and sometimes I realize that all those things I feel may be a total
projection on my part, and reflect my own confusion and frustration, and reflect how I really feel
inadequate to cope with this poor child, and how afraid I am to try to be better with him. When I am feeling better about my own life I know I am better with him too.

Maybe this sounds confusing. I am just talking about my FEELINGS, and they really do go up and down a lot.